Gawd, it just seems like nothing in my life will ever get any easier for me. This move to Savusavu has just made it even more important for me to move out and find my own life, by my self and without mum and dad hanging on my shoulders. Everything I am, what I choose, and wherever I go; it’s all scrutinized by them and they just have to have a say in everything. The older I get, the more sacrifices I’m expected to make. I’m almost 25 and mum wants me to share a bedroom with Navi. I’m sorry, I love my family and all my cousins but there is no way in hell that I will share my personal space with them. She of all people should know that. Well, she’ll see for herself just how stubborn I can be. Then there’s dad. Always has an excuse for everything.
The arrangements for a new house should have been made by now, but he’s busy playing host to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes through here. I want us to get to a cleaner, healthier house; I want my own space; I want this bloody computer to be fixed up so I can watch my movies in the privacy of my bedroom. I want my own things.
I can’t keep expecting to sacrifice my life so that theirs is a little less hassled. Fuck that shit!
If I get into the Oxfam program, I’m gonna learn everything I can; get all the accreditation I can achieve from it and get a good job, with a good pay and flat out. I need to have this for myself or I will die bitter and unsatisfied.
I won’t put up with this anymore! If things don’t start moving faster, I’m not gonna help with any sermons, meeting plan prep, and singing – NOTHING! I will draw the line as to where I fit in this scheme of things. I will not be made a fool of in my own life.
So there.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Savusavu – boat rides and broken houses (PART II)
Now that I’ve had a chance to talk about my boat ride over here to the beautiful bay of Savusavu, let me try and describe the scenery. Oh and don’t forget, this is part II of my update.
When we got here, it was a little after 5am and there was nothing to see. We got to our house (oooohhh, just you wait till I tell you about it) and as the sun rose, ohmigosh the view from our terrace is spectacular. Looking out into the bay, with the little island across from us. We had the Hot Springs Hotel as our neighbour and the hot springs the hotel was named after at the foot of our drive way. Nice don’t you think?
WELL THINK AGAIN!
Our house was an absolute dump! I thought to myself that my mother’s day could not get any worse. The furniture was ruined beyond all recognition, the house was dingy, and the toilets… oh don’t let me get started on the toilets!
Bloody hell, it was disgusting. I couldn’t go to the bathroom for 2 whole days. My body was in such shock over the state of the toilet, it couldn’t function as it should (meaning – I was so shocked I couldn’t shit). Kaila!
The bathroom was damp and mum used a whole bottle of bleach to try and clean the shower area. It was terrible.
The kitchen had very little in stock. By that I meant that we had one fork, one teaspoon, two table spoons and one teeny tiny cutting knife that disappeared the following day after a church lunch. There were no pots and pans to cook with and the water was not safe for us to drink at all! Mum and I resorted to boiling huge pots of drau-ni-moli (lemon leaves) tea and keeping it aside in the fridge as drinking water. It was refreshing!
The upside to our living here is the price of food at the fresh produce market. We bought rourou, tubua, passionfruit, bananas and two huge paw paws for cheap! My passionfruits were $1 for 7 (so I bought $2 worth). We went to the fish market after and bought some fish for dinner that night along with some coconuts.
Our first night here was nothing eventful; it was the living arrangements that made us wary of everything.
Savusavu is a beautiful place. I just can’t wait to see its beauty in the comfort of our new house and away from the horror that is our interim place.
So there you have it… part II of my first two days in Savusavu plus the prelude (the boat ride).
When we got here, it was a little after 5am and there was nothing to see. We got to our house (oooohhh, just you wait till I tell you about it) and as the sun rose, ohmigosh the view from our terrace is spectacular. Looking out into the bay, with the little island across from us. We had the Hot Springs Hotel as our neighbour and the hot springs the hotel was named after at the foot of our drive way. Nice don’t you think?
WELL THINK AGAIN!
Our house was an absolute dump! I thought to myself that my mother’s day could not get any worse. The furniture was ruined beyond all recognition, the house was dingy, and the toilets… oh don’t let me get started on the toilets!
Bloody hell, it was disgusting. I couldn’t go to the bathroom for 2 whole days. My body was in such shock over the state of the toilet, it couldn’t function as it should (meaning – I was so shocked I couldn’t shit). Kaila!
The bathroom was damp and mum used a whole bottle of bleach to try and clean the shower area. It was terrible.
The kitchen had very little in stock. By that I meant that we had one fork, one teaspoon, two table spoons and one teeny tiny cutting knife that disappeared the following day after a church lunch. There were no pots and pans to cook with and the water was not safe for us to drink at all! Mum and I resorted to boiling huge pots of drau-ni-moli (lemon leaves) tea and keeping it aside in the fridge as drinking water. It was refreshing!
The upside to our living here is the price of food at the fresh produce market. We bought rourou, tubua, passionfruit, bananas and two huge paw paws for cheap! My passionfruits were $1 for 7 (so I bought $2 worth). We went to the fish market after and bought some fish for dinner that night along with some coconuts.
Our first night here was nothing eventful; it was the living arrangements that made us wary of everything.
Savusavu is a beautiful place. I just can’t wait to see its beauty in the comfort of our new house and away from the horror that is our interim place.
So there you have it… part II of my first two days in Savusavu plus the prelude (the boat ride).
Friday, February 5, 2010
Still Breathing
I wrote this poem on the boat as we were leaving Suva...
Waves bobbing
To and fro
The horn sounds
The engines roar
Slowly the coastline fades from view
Slowly the distance grows between me and you
My heart grows pensive at the thought
How does one go on breathing –
When the heart is lost?
How does one keep moving forward –
When your legs are cut from underneath you?
It’s hard to imagine that the moon I see
In the night sky
Is the same moon that caresses your face
With its gentle light
The light over me seems lost; alone.
Just like me
The stars twinkling over you
Are to me cold and distant
But the thought
That we’ll meet again
Makes this seeming exile easier to bear
Keeps me hopeful for that day
Causing my heart to return
Bringing all into focus
Reminding me that I’m still breathing
And each breathe
Brings me closer to you
Waves bobbing
To and fro
The horn sounds
The engines roar
Slowly the coastline fades from view
Slowly the distance grows between me and you
My heart grows pensive at the thought
How does one go on breathing –
When the heart is lost?
How does one keep moving forward –
When your legs are cut from underneath you?
It’s hard to imagine that the moon I see
In the night sky
Is the same moon that caresses your face
With its gentle light
The light over me seems lost; alone.
Just like me
The stars twinkling over you
Are to me cold and distant
But the thought
That we’ll meet again
Makes this seeming exile easier to bear
Keeps me hopeful for that day
Causing my heart to return
Bringing all into focus
Reminding me that I’m still breathing
And each breathe
Brings me closer to you
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Savusavu – boat rides and broken houses (PART I)
I was going to start from how beautiful this town is or describing how quaint it is and I remembered something… THE BOAT RIDE OVER.
Let me start from the very beginning. The boat to which I am referring to is the SS Suilven, the best inter-island ferry we have in this country. I first went on this boat in 2007 when after the Savusavu Music Festival, the then Malaga Singers returned from Savusavu aboard the Suilven bound for the capital city. It was a fun boat ride; we were put in the first class lounge so it was pretty decent (we even had bunk-like sleepers). I could never forget that ride. Ever.
So when mum decides to tell me that we were traveling to Savusavu in the Suilven, I thought to myself (YES!) and began pushing for us to get either first class tickets or the pricier but much better cabin tickets. You may ask, what’s the difference? Well, let’s just say that even though you’re first class and all that, you still have to share bathrooms with the economy class passengers. Cabin passengers, have their own spacious cabins with a really, really nice bathroom (including shower with hot water) that looks like it came out of a hotel catalogue. Meals come with the cabin (YUMMY!) and they can also use the first class lounge, should they choose to go there.
Now, you may say that I’m a snobby bitch, but let me remind you that we all seek the better things in life, even if it means spending a few extra dollars to travel in relative comfort.
So there I was, tempting my mother and father to buy the pricier tickets, all to no avail. We all got economy tickets. And it all went downhill from there!
Picture this. We’re sitting in the economy lounge, packed like sardines, people all over the place, some even lying in the spaces where it could be found. There were people everywhere: inside and outside. Then it happened. The air conditioner broke down and stopped working altogether (economy class only mind you; the cabin ac’s were working in fine order). I was stuck in the lounge with no air circulation, no space to move around, no space to lie down and nothing to drink to replenish my internal water supply that was being sweated out in this 11 hour voyage. All I could do was periodically walk around the outside of the boat, navigating my way round sleeping bodies so I could get some fresh air and then return to my hot, humid and sweat smelling corner. I must say, the smell of human bodies cramped in one space with no ventilation is absolutely nauseating and disgusting to say the least. I have to be hones about that. I felt bad for the babies and children who had to coop up in that space.
Mum and dad? Well they spent the night on the benches outside.
I’ve had a fair amount of chances to berate them for not getting us better tickets on that ship. We’ve all agreed that if we are to travel back to Suva by boat, it’ll be in the cabins or we won’t travel at all. I’m gonna keep them to their word.
Looks like I’ll have to continue this later cause talking about our house is another long post with elaborate descriptions. Keep an eye out for Part II of this blog post.
Let me start from the very beginning. The boat to which I am referring to is the SS Suilven, the best inter-island ferry we have in this country. I first went on this boat in 2007 when after the Savusavu Music Festival, the then Malaga Singers returned from Savusavu aboard the Suilven bound for the capital city. It was a fun boat ride; we were put in the first class lounge so it was pretty decent (we even had bunk-like sleepers). I could never forget that ride. Ever.
So when mum decides to tell me that we were traveling to Savusavu in the Suilven, I thought to myself (YES!) and began pushing for us to get either first class tickets or the pricier but much better cabin tickets. You may ask, what’s the difference? Well, let’s just say that even though you’re first class and all that, you still have to share bathrooms with the economy class passengers. Cabin passengers, have their own spacious cabins with a really, really nice bathroom (including shower with hot water) that looks like it came out of a hotel catalogue. Meals come with the cabin (YUMMY!) and they can also use the first class lounge, should they choose to go there.
Now, you may say that I’m a snobby bitch, but let me remind you that we all seek the better things in life, even if it means spending a few extra dollars to travel in relative comfort.
So there I was, tempting my mother and father to buy the pricier tickets, all to no avail. We all got economy tickets. And it all went downhill from there!
Picture this. We’re sitting in the economy lounge, packed like sardines, people all over the place, some even lying in the spaces where it could be found. There were people everywhere: inside and outside. Then it happened. The air conditioner broke down and stopped working altogether (economy class only mind you; the cabin ac’s were working in fine order). I was stuck in the lounge with no air circulation, no space to move around, no space to lie down and nothing to drink to replenish my internal water supply that was being sweated out in this 11 hour voyage. All I could do was periodically walk around the outside of the boat, navigating my way round sleeping bodies so I could get some fresh air and then return to my hot, humid and sweat smelling corner. I must say, the smell of human bodies cramped in one space with no ventilation is absolutely nauseating and disgusting to say the least. I have to be hones about that. I felt bad for the babies and children who had to coop up in that space.
Mum and dad? Well they spent the night on the benches outside.
I’ve had a fair amount of chances to berate them for not getting us better tickets on that ship. We’ve all agreed that if we are to travel back to Suva by boat, it’ll be in the cabins or we won’t travel at all. I’m gonna keep them to their word.
Looks like I’ll have to continue this later cause talking about our house is another long post with elaborate descriptions. Keep an eye out for Part II of this blog post.
Monday, January 25, 2010
YC4MH HIghlights of 2009
Check out some snippets of our work during Hibiscus with Gary the reigning Hibiscus King:
Thursday, January 21, 2010
New Year Jitters
I wrote this poem at a New Years Eve church service. It took me the entire duration of the service (2 hours) to compose it. Pretty much deals with my jitters for this new year. Have a look:
What awaits me around the corner?
Which door will I walk through?
And which will lock me out?
Where will time’s ebb and flow draw me?
The future looms dark and unknown
It beckons me to reach out and touch it
Tempting me to dive headlong into uncertainty
Driving me to take the risk and not look back
But as I gaze backwards
And see where I’ve come from
See the winding pathways and shortcuts
The potholes and speed bumps along my life’s way
My heart is filled…
Filled with nostalgia
With yearning
Filled with regret
With every other feeling
Except satisfaction or peace
Is it just me?
Or does everyone feel the same way?
That we live year in and year out
Looking for satisfaction but never finding?
Each step we take forward
Uncertain and shaky
Constantly looking back
To see if we walked right
Is this the reason for my hesitancy?
The future looms with each passing second
Dark… Unknown… A true mystery
It beckons me to move closer
But I am hesitant
The door stands before me
But my hand shakes and fails to grasp its handle
The sea calls and draws me in
But my feet freeze at the shore
Our fear of the future
Is only natural
And even now it challenges me
My resolutions unmade and undecided
The clock chimes closer and closer
To the midnight hour
My resolutions seem a distant thing
What will I change?
What will I do?
What chances will I take?
Too tempted am I to judge its end
Too quick to guess its conclusion
So for now…
I resolve to walk on
Yes, my feet are shaking
But still I will move forward
Dive headfirst into this New Year
Embracing its possibilities
Releasing all my uncertainty and fears
Unashamed
Unrequited
And with hope
[Deep Breath]
Here I go... HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What awaits me around the corner?
Which door will I walk through?
And which will lock me out?
Where will time’s ebb and flow draw me?
The future looms dark and unknown
It beckons me to reach out and touch it
Tempting me to dive headlong into uncertainty
Driving me to take the risk and not look back
But as I gaze backwards
And see where I’ve come from
See the winding pathways and shortcuts
The potholes and speed bumps along my life’s way
My heart is filled…
Filled with nostalgia
With yearning
Filled with regret
With every other feeling
Except satisfaction or peace
Is it just me?
Or does everyone feel the same way?
That we live year in and year out
Looking for satisfaction but never finding?
Each step we take forward
Uncertain and shaky
Constantly looking back
To see if we walked right
Is this the reason for my hesitancy?
The future looms with each passing second
Dark… Unknown… A true mystery
It beckons me to move closer
But I am hesitant
The door stands before me
But my hand shakes and fails to grasp its handle
The sea calls and draws me in
But my feet freeze at the shore
Our fear of the future
Is only natural
And even now it challenges me
My resolutions unmade and undecided
The clock chimes closer and closer
To the midnight hour
My resolutions seem a distant thing
What will I change?
What will I do?
What chances will I take?
Too tempted am I to judge its end
Too quick to guess its conclusion
So for now…
I resolve to walk on
Yes, my feet are shaking
But still I will move forward
Dive headfirst into this New Year
Embracing its possibilities
Releasing all my uncertainty and fears
Unashamed
Unrequited
And with hope
[Deep Breath]
Here I go... HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
New Year, New Change
Yeah, so i had fun reading back to my old posts and i've realised that i am one vain bitch (if you dont' mind me being blunt). Life's changed so much from my earlier ranting and raving about how unfair life is and how despairing it's all become. so much's happened and i'm looking forward to making a real impact with it.
It's 2010 and i've decided to move forward with the times (note, keep an eye out for a poem i've penned on this new outlook) and since i couldn't grab a diary for this year, i'll have to make a concerted effort to post more on this blog that i've renamed into NESIAN PERSPECTIVE. I thought of so many names but i stuck with this one cause it means that i can talk about stuff related to me and my community and how the work i want to do or am doing can contribute to society's growth and developing the skills base of young people in Fiji.
I'm moving out of Suva to the northern town of Savusavu with my parents. A far off paradise and i'm excited to say the least. of course i'm pensive about what to expect but i'm glad to know that it's a new chapter of my life just waiting to unfold. who knows what Savusavu holds for me?
Packing up stuff at home just made me realise how much stuff i've learnt and accumulated in the past year alone. i'm grateful for the lessons i've learnt in 2009 and i'm hopeful for the great things i'm gonna do this year, whether i'm in Suva or Savusavu.
Ofa 'atu,
SY
It's 2010 and i've decided to move forward with the times (note, keep an eye out for a poem i've penned on this new outlook) and since i couldn't grab a diary for this year, i'll have to make a concerted effort to post more on this blog that i've renamed into NESIAN PERSPECTIVE. I thought of so many names but i stuck with this one cause it means that i can talk about stuff related to me and my community and how the work i want to do or am doing can contribute to society's growth and developing the skills base of young people in Fiji.
I'm moving out of Suva to the northern town of Savusavu with my parents. A far off paradise and i'm excited to say the least. of course i'm pensive about what to expect but i'm glad to know that it's a new chapter of my life just waiting to unfold. who knows what Savusavu holds for me?
Packing up stuff at home just made me realise how much stuff i've learnt and accumulated in the past year alone. i'm grateful for the lessons i've learnt in 2009 and i'm hopeful for the great things i'm gonna do this year, whether i'm in Suva or Savusavu.
Ofa 'atu,
SY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
