The Gospel of Rugby

The Gospel of Rugby
Well known far and wide
Its doctrines and laws
Plays and sequences
Memorised, treasured and kept close to heart
More than any religious text or constitutional mandate

The gospel of rugby
Has a simple yet diverse grammar
With verb forms and nouns
Made up of whizzes and whooshes
Bangs, pops and other imagined sound effects
The whole game summed up with wild gestures
And a frenzied description
Likened to that of a fiery preacher
Speaking of hell fire and damnation

Remember that it’s considered rude to interrupt one when one is talking rugby

The messiah of the gospel of rugby
Is that one player who breaks through the line
Dashing down the field to score try after try after try
Rising up to touch his heart and point skyward
Affording that win to some higher power
All an effort to show some pretense of humility
When deep inside he’s really going: In your face bitches!

The Gospel of Rugby captures your attention
Its grip so tight that the roads miraculously clear
Shops close down and everyone is seated round the television
Eyes glued to every movement and play
Even the domesticated animals are silent with trepidation
And all of a sudden A TRY!
Screams and shouting all around
Pots banging, children dancing
The game is won and the world cup is coming home
Hours later the government declares a national holiday
All in the name of the gospel of rugby

Heaven’s forbid that the team should lose
For the gospel of rugby can be insidious
Wounded pride demanding the sacrifice of the coach
And the team and the support crew and the management
And anyone else that’s deemed liable for the atrocities of THAT world cup
That’s the gospel of rugby for you
A poor attempt I must admit but as close to the truth as I would see it